The difference between how men and women think about dating

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You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up. You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them. Yes, popular songs it sound like it’s supposed to be. But movies and music are wrong, love is meant to be effortless and easy. Why is breaking your fixation essential to having success in your love life?

OK, so I talked earlier about what fixation feels like and how it’s the biggest warning sign that you’re trying to have a relationship with a bad match (that is, a match that isn’t going to work out in the long term and will drain your life, heart and soul until there’s nothing left…).

You feel like until you have this, you are not OK and will not be OK.

When you’re fixated on someone, your relationship ceases to be about enjoyment and effortlessness.

Let’s talk about what a relationship actually is, since the majority of people blindly want, crave and chase the idea of having a relationship and yet, very few actually understand some essential points about what a relationship is…

A relationship is not a possession, like a stone or a purse or a car. A relationship is simply the interaction you’re having with that person as it’s happening and the general, overall tone of your interactions. Society doesn’t see relationships this way, for the most part. Relationships are living and experienced in-the-moment, like music. If it’s sitting on your MP3 player and you’re not playing it, then it is simply data.

If it feels like obsession, they drop it like it’s hot.MORE: How to Have a Healthy Relationship This simply is not true.If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! ” If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you. In a good relationships, everything just unfolds effortlessly (well, 99% of the time within a good relationship is effortless with the occasional 1% of the time where you have to put in effort to make sure things stay in a good place).I think most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like.And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music.

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